[edit] # 09:05

I am homely... I am beautiful!

Adrenaline Drive is a satire of japanese teen romance flicks. I've never seen one of those. If I was a betting man (and thank the good lord I'm not), I'd say they probably involve a young ordinary girl who becomes fabulous in a strange twist of events - usually related to a cute boy and some manor of trouble. That's what this movie has. There's the girl, the boy, and a big sack of mob cash. What there isn't, is adrenaline. The movie moves so slow, that you might think it's french. The opening scene is an impossibly long conversation in a car, where the main character mostly sits there quietly taking shit from his crazy boss. The closest thing to action there is, involves an insanely small compact car chasing a mini van, and a very short fall down a small hill.

The thing is, it's really good. The characters are genuinely charming, and there are more than a few laugh-out-loud (that's LOL, for you kids) parts. It's maybe not worth owning, but certainly worth a rental.

 [edit] # 23:14

Wrong! Your Ears You Keep

The Princess Bride is my favorite movie. I challenge you to find a movie more perfectly cast. Is there another film that casts an actual giant in the role of a giant? If so, is it directed by Rob Reiner and meticulously acted? Does it inspire? I’ll give you some time to think about it before you agree with me: The Princess Bride is the best movie of all time.

 [edit] # 22:36

Jehova

Netflix allows me to skate the line between the bad-funny sci-fi movie and the bad-painful sci-fi movie. I should say, I'm not a very good skater.

To wit, Equilibrium.

Equilibrium is a movie that got released in like one theater in Paramus and was later shown by accident on a small plane. Which is surprising because it stars Christian Bale and Emily Watson who, I believe, were tricked. It takes place in the post-apocalyptic future - you know the one where society realized that the only way to avoid future violence would be to suppress our emotions using a cleverly named drug called Prozium. Good to see that uncreative branding survived nuclear winter.

Most people voluntarily tie-off and shoot-up, but the outlaws live on the fringe, getting their feel on by wearing shabby clothes and viewing works of art.

No, really.

The opening scene is a bunch of grubby folks who have holed up with the Mona Lisa and a Fischer Price record player and sit around listening to emo-pop and sobbing. Okay, I lied about the emo ... everything else - true.

Christian Bale is the highest ranking Grammaton Cleric, a nigh-supernatural badass who is able to dodge bullets by using statistical models and fancy posing. The clerics are the enforcement arm for the Pax Stolidus, wiping out the feelies in the name of the Father; the grammaton bit being a reference to the tetragrammaton, the four letter abbreviation for the name of God which has absolutely no relevance in this movie whatsoever but, hey, it's a fun fact.

Anyway, it's obviously only a matter of time before Christian realizes the error of his emotionally distant ways and starts to explore life on the other side of the weepy divide. Plus, I think it dawned on him that knowing the difference between the mean and the median in no way allowed him to avoid getting shot. I may be reading in my own frustration here.

Still, I feel all the silliness actually makes the movie work in a way that doesn't and would recommend it for your next let's-all-sit-around-and-make-fun-of-the-movie night.

As an extra bonus: someone gets his or her face cut off during the climactic battle but I'm not going to say who. It could be Emily Watson. It could be Sean "Boromir" Bean who's in the movie for about 10 minutes, possibly with a face. It could even be Skeet Ulrich ... except he's not in this movie.

 [edit] # 21:50

"She ain't gonna call you back"

Roman Holiday is Audrey Hepburn's debut film. In it, she plays a princess who gets fed up with the demands of state and runs away from her minders during a visit to Rome. And that pretty much tells you enough to imagine the entire plot and resolution to the film. (Hint: she doesn't ultimately decide to give up royal life in favor of slinging chianti at a trotteria near the Spanish Steps).

So there's not much in the way of compelling story. Which is why it's all the more remarkable that Roman Holiday is incredibly fun to watch. For one, it's got that whole Edith Head/50's chic thing going on ... which you know, looks nice. And it's filmed on location in Rome ... also nice-looking.

But really it's all about Audrey.

Audrey, Audrey, Audrey.

Damn.

I don't think there are many other actresses who could make a movie turn on a scene about getting a haircut. But, man, does she get a fine-looking do.

There's a featurette on the DVD for Roman Holiday that has a clip from Audrey's screen test. In it she talks about how, during WWII in occupied Holland, she put on ballet performances to raise money for the resistance. I love the idea of little Audrey using her innocent art to fight the war against fascism. But then they ask her "Well, what if the Nazis had found out?" She goes wide-eyed and says in that blue-blood tinged yet still vulnerable voice "Oh, but they couldn't!"

The lady breaks my heart.

 [edit] # 10:54

Money... It's A Crime

An idea- should sufficient content manifest here, we could toss AdSense on it. All proceeds would, of course, go to the "Buy Biz a Bed Fund."

Thoughts?